Being the Strong one ...

A very wise woman once told me that in her marriage, her and her husband had a phrase that they would say to each other whenever times got tough and one of them was overwhelmed - "I've got the line". You see, they believed that the other side of the line was held by God and they took turns holding up their end of the line and sharing the responsibility of the weight. I wholeheartedly believe that is a healthy way to approach marriage and a relationship - any relationship, be it lovers or friends.

I am in a new relationship and I truly believe that I have found the man I am going to marry, however, he is a little broken right now. And let me start off by saying that I am not trying to fix him, I am not one of those girls that wants the 'project' and then will get tired of him once he's 'all spiffed up' - he is fixing himself. I am just offering support and being the 'strong one' for him during his dark times right now. And his dark times can get pretty dark and he can lean pretty heavily on me. On top of that, one of my best friends is going through some intense things in her life right now and is leaning on me for support as well. So I am also being the strong one for her too.

Now, do not get me wrong, I do not mind being the strong one, or holding the line, or however you want to put it, but I am not going to lie, I have my days when I am not sure I have the strength to keep my grip on it and that I can feel the line slipping. Today is one of those days. So I ask the question - where does the strong one go for support? I feel like the tree on the edge of the cliff that all the other trees are falling against. If I fall, the other trees fall too and we all go over, so I have to keep my roots, but there is nothing for me to lean on, I am entirely dependent on me and my own strength, which is currently being used to hold up everyone else, so what is left for me?

So if my strength is being loaned out to support everyone else, what strength supports me?

2/21/13

"Happiness consists in realizing it is all a great strange dream" - Jack Kerouac

Ok, let's start with this question - what is a dream? I mean, there are the kind we have when we're asleep - aka fantasies, the kind we strive for, the kind we hope for, etc. Are they all the same thing? I'd argue that no, they aren't. I mean, I once had a dream while asleep where I was back in middle school, which I hated, and the whole place was made of different types of cheeses (yeah, I think I went to bed hungry that night) - it was definitely a dream, but also definitely not something I was striving or hoping for! Now, on the other hand, I dream of moving to Alaska - this is something that I want to make a reality, I strive and hope for it, but it has nothing to do with me being asleep. So, I argue that there are multiple definitions to the term 'dream'. So, the meaning of the quote depends on which definition you apply to the word dream ...

So, with that in mind the quote can either be saying that Happiness consists in realizing that being happy is a strange something we strive for OR that Happiness consists in realizing that being happy is a great strange fantasy type scenario. To me, the first interpretation is kind of optimistic - that happiness is realizing that being happy it something you have to strive for. However, the second is kind of depressing in that is seems to imply that happiness consists in realizing that being happy is a great strange fantasy, and not reality!

Now, I tend to be a glass have empty kind of girl - my philosophy goes like this: I am situationally optimistic - and if the situation involves me, I am not optimistic! That being said, since I am turning over a new leaf in 2013, I chose to interpret it the first way - that in order to be happy you have to first realize that being happy is something you work for, and not something that passively comes to you when you sit on the sidelines!

So here's to finding your happiness and actively pursuing it!! :-)

The Beginning ... 2/20/13

So I started this blog as a way of working through my thoughts in an open and honest way ... I mean, how can I be afraid to face reality when I have no 'face' to look at per se. With that in mind, I have recently started keeping a book of my favorite quotes, sayings, etc. I will be honest, I totally ripped the idea from the book (and movie) 'A Walk to Remember' so I will give credit where credit is due, but in taking it one step further I guess I want to use this space to dissect the quotes I love to figure out why I love them and what they can, do and will mean to me. So let's get this started  -

"Progress takes away what forever took to find" - Dave Matthews Band

I have loved this quote for a long time - I've been obsessed with DMB for a long time too so that's no real surprise I suppose. But I don't often look at this quote and see how it can apply in my life ...

One way to look at this is to re-word it to say 'Society hampers free thought'. Now I am not trying to go all anti-government on you, but just think about it. Progress can come in many forms but one of the major forms I would argue is society. We went from random groups of hunter-gatherers, to cities, to countries - all of this accomplished through the establishment of societies. So, the progress of humans I would argue is society based. Now, excluding nudist from this hypothetical discussion - Do you question why you put on a shirt in the morning? I know I don't - but why don't I? I mean, yes, it can keep me warmer, etc. but the main reason, if you think about it, is probably to cover yourself up. Now, why do you do that? Because you don't want to be seen naked or because it is the societal norm to do so? Society has become so ingrained into the human consciousness that it's inconceivable for me to even think about walking around without a shirt on. So ... society basically ended my free thought on the subject. It didn't completely take it away - I mean, I can still question why I put on a shirt, but I'm still going to put one on most likely.

Another way to look at it is to say 'what forever took to find' stands for happiness. So, I could re-word it then to be 'Societal pressures take away happiness'. This is more why I started thinking about this quote actually. See, I have recently come to the conclusion that I am going to focus more on being happy and doing what makes me happy. I am not going to set out to hurt people or anything, nor am I going to purposefully do things to hurt others, but I am going to turn the focus from making others happy to making me happy. I am not going to focus so much on what 'society' says is right or wrong and focus on what I say is right or wrong.  See, I do honestly feel like, in my life, that societal pressures have taken away a lot of my happiness. The society in America dictates what is the 'normal' size, the 'normal' hair colors, etc., etc. Well, I am not a size zero, and never will be; I like tattoos (I have five and counting) and crazy hair colors and expressing myself in those ways make me happy. But if I do show off my tattoos or wear all black or if I dyed my hair crazy colors then I would be labeled a social outcast, have a hard time getting a job and therefore paying my bills, eating, living, etc. So, in deciding that the year 2013 is the year I start putting me first, I have basically set myself up against society. Scary? Heck yeah! But I for one am no longer going to let progress take away what it took me forever to find.

So - What's your progress? What took you forever to find?